Angel of Iego

TM Prompt #237: It's your birthday! If anything were possible, what would be your perfect way to celebrate?

( I suppose I would want - well, no, it's hard to think about what I would want, even if anything were possible. )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
465 words

TM Prompt #230: Black and white

( Padmé delineated planets by their colour )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
456 words

QM Prompt #63: "Ever hear of the word humility?" - It Happened One Night

[locked to Anakin]

I've heard of the word humility, all right. But sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if my husband has.

When you enter politics, you learn humility at an early age. In fact, you are forced to learn it. This may seem counterintuitive, since in order to be elected you have to tell others of the reasons your policies will succeed over your opponent's, but humility occurs naturally when you suffer your first defeat, and are made to concede to whomever opposed you. No one likes a sore loser. I was apprenticed in graciousness from the age of eight years old, and those lessons have stayed with me to this day.

Anakin ... well, he certainly knew how to give of himself when he was a child. How else could he have entered the pod race which won us the parts to repair my starship? There was certainly no reward for him there, other than helping his new friends. But even when I first met him, humility was somewhat of a problem. I dismissed it then, out of a belief that all young children are somewhat self-centred and apt to consider their own accomplishments as wonderful and amazing. I believed he would grow out of it.

The trouble is, he didn't. I remember our first meeting in ten years, when he and Obi-Wan were assigned to guard me after an assassination attempt. I remember how he tried to show off in front of me, tried to demonstrate all the wisdom he had acquired. I remember when he told me he was more powerful than Obi-Wan, and that the latter was holding him back. Of course, those words were said in a time of extreme grief, right after his mother died. So I was able to dismiss them as well.

But now ... now that he is a part of the Clone War I would have thought the atrocities there could sober him. Instead they seem only to have increased the pride he takes in his accomplishments. I worry for Anakin because I know that humility is an essential quality for a Jedi to possess, and he doesn't seem to understand that. Sometimes I even feel embarrassed for him, and that I have to apologize for his belief that he is the galaxy's gift to the Jedi.

I love him dearly, but that love does not blind me to his faults. Frankly I hope it never will. And I hope that he can take the lessons of humility that I learned so early on to heart, and incorporate them into his way of being.

[/locked to Anakin]

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
431 words

QM Prompt #60: "Why are your eyes always empty?" - Wuthering Heights

She went to Mustafar full of hope. Bursting with promise.

Padmé was going to prove Obi-Wan wrong. She was going to make him regret telling her such lies. (Leaving aside the fact that he had never lied to her in his life, and had no reason to begin doing so now.) She was going to demonstrate the ultimate logical fallacy of the Jedi Order: that love was not the way to draw out an individual such as Anakin. That in making up their minds about him immediately, deciding instantly that he had turned evil due to a single incident at the Temple, they had alienated him in a way that only she could repair. (Leaving aside the fact that Anakin had exhibited genocidal mannerisms before, with his slaughter of the Sand People.) She was going to remind her husband that he could save her just as himself, that he did not require more power, that all she desired of him was that he accompany her back to Naboo and help her raise the baby. (Leaving aside the fact that he had not had the warmest of reactions to her pregnancy, and that he had looked upon her swelling stomach with increasing fear and scorn ever since the nightmares began.)

She was going to change Anakin. She was going to tell him that none of it mattered anymore, that he could run away with her free of guilt for the first time in both their lives. She was going to rekindle in him the love they had felt when they married, when they first stood on that Varykino balcony and proclaimed their love for each other. Padmé had never stopped feeling that love. And no matter that her emotions boiled over once her skiff landed; no matter that a few tears of uncertainty leaked from her eyes as the platform rose up before her. She prided herself for the simple and unwavering belief in Anakin that the Jedi, blinded by arrogance, could not manage.

She went to Mustafar full of hope.

She left it with a noose around her neck, her eyes empty.

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
340 words

Forgot to post about this until now, but look what Padmé and I got on Friday!





Yep, we officially won Mod's Choice - Prompt of the Month at quotable_muse! Needless to say, the pup and I are pleased as punch, though I'd be lying if I said we weren't a little shocked! The prompt for which we got the award is #54: Destiny, and while it's good, I don't necessarily consider it an absolutely terrific effort.

Nevertheless, the QM mods seemed to think it was, and so we get this nice shiny banner to display here and in our profile! Thanks, QM Mods! Colour us flattered. :D

TM Prompt #224: Mad

The last time I was truly angry, my frustration was directed at the Jedi. And, if I'm to be truthful, I should admit it wasn't fair to be angry at them. It had to do with Anakin, of course, and some occasion at which he wasn't able to be present. It might have been my birthday, I'm not exactly sure. But we'd planned something special, we were going to eat supper at some restaurant and then come back to my apartment. He'd even hinted he had some special gift for me. I wasn't most upset about the lack of gifts or the fact that we couldn't go out as we'd planned. What angered me most was that, once again, I couldn't spend time with my husband like other wives across the galaxy do every night. I couldn't curl up with him in bed and talk to him about my day and hear all about his. Once again he was being made to spend the night at the Temple, running some stupid busywork errand, and we had to sacrifice our relationship for the greater good.

I know I must sound so selfish, and even now, I'm berating myself for thinking this way. After all, we knew precisely what we were getting into when we agreed to this marriage. We knew we'd be apart more often than together, and that we would have to adapt to each other's respective schedules and never count on being able to see each other nearly as often as we'd like. We knew all of this going in and I promised myself when he proposed that I would never put myself above the good of the galaxy. But promising that on a whim is different from keeping that promise on a long-term basis.

I just worry for the future, that's all. What will happen after the war ends? Will Anakin be more free than before? What if we have children? I fear particularly for that sort of situation. I know I can handle the long absences myself, but could I handle my child having to go through them? We'd have to. That's what I tell myself. We have no choice. That is the reality of our situation.

But I'm a human being, and to deny that I get angry at the situation sometimes would be to deny the facts. I love Anakin. That's why I become emotional.

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
400 words

QM Prompt #57: "If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace." - Young Frankenstein

In my galaxy, science is just another way for politicians to excuse their failures. So you'll pardon my disbelief that this quotation holds true.

I don't mean their personal failures; rather, I am referring to diplomatic failures. I'm convinced we could have kept up with political negotiations insofar as the Separatists are concerned, but beings will always attempt to pursue violent solutions when they are threatened. Everyone was so frightened when the assassination attempts, and ironically, many Senators were more upset about the attempt on my life than I was. Perhaps I'm simply too blasé about threats to my person, but quite frankly I'm used to it. I survived the Trade Federation invasion and I have lived through several other political situations, so there is no reason why I couldn't reasonably have gotten through this. But no: others had to intercede supposedly on my behalf, and what they ended up doing was completely against my wishes.

Science was responsible for the clone soldiers the Republic is using to fight the war against the Confederacy. A Jedi commissioned the clones, but their actual creation fell to the Kaminoans and their model, the bounty hunter Jango Fett. Each clone is a sentient being whose genetic structure has been modified to make it less independent than the original host. They are matured at twice the natural rate, so that a clone who has been alive for ten years looks twenty and is ready for duty. None of these facts were available to the Senate when they voted to give Chancellor Palpatine emergency powers; I have only discovered them through careful, clandestine research. Nor should it surprise anyone that the politicians were not in full cognizance of the truth. Palpatine had them whipped into such a frenzy that I doubt they would have listened to reason anyway.

There are many things wrong with our political system, not least of which is that things like this can happen in the first place. But I think one of the things we need to fix is that we can so easily manipulate the universe, through science, so that it serves our own ends. We jet from system to system in ships with hyperdrives and we exploit planets for their resources, taking them for all they own and leaving them barren balls of dust floating in space. And then, of course, there are these clones. I don't even want to get into the ethical implications surrounding the creation of an army - a sentient army - purely for one's personal use.

So, if I were to reword the quote, I might do it thusly: "If science teaches us anything, it teaches us that the self is the only thing that matters, over and above the natural and necessary constraints of the universe."

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
464 words

QM Prompt #54: "Destiny! Destiny! No escaping that for me!" - Young Frankenstein

( When you live your life surrounded by Jedi, destiny can be quite the unwelcome concept )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
514 words

TM Prompt #220: If you could buy a magic potion, what would it be?

( A magic ... potion? Like in the bedtime tales Daddy used to tell me? )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
726 words

QM Prompt #51: "Danger always strikes when everything seems fine." - Seven Samurai

( You know, the strangest thing about the attack on Coruscant was that it happened so suddenly )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
456 words

TM Prompt #218: Write about a lie your parents told you.

My father once said that if I married someone less than a year after our first kiss, that marriage was doomed to failure. He didn't only mean if I did. The I referred to a metaphorical being, a person who is known for making impulsive choices and who considers marriage just one more thing that does not require deep thought to be exercised. If my father hated one thing it was impulsivity. "Always think matters through," he used to say. He didn't mean small matters like what to eat for the morning meal or what clothing to wear. No, he meant big choices. Like whether or not to run for a second term as Queen. Whether to accept the Queen's decision to appoint me as Senator. If a potential partner's proposal of marriage ought to be accepted.

On most matters I followed his advice. My father is one of the wisest people I have ever met, and I love him dearly. He always treated me with kindness but, more importantly, he also treated me as a person fully capable of making her own decisions. Even from a very young age I was encouraged to think my choices through fully before deciding on one option or the other. Some of my friends did not enjoy this privilege - their parents were always telling them what to do or criticizing them if they felt that an incorrect decision had been made. Not incorrect by the child's standards, mind you. Incorrect by the parent's. As if children are able to automatically anticipate what their parents wish them to do, and act in kind. It just doesn't work like that.

But as wise as my father was, his pragmatism could not compete with true love, when I found it. It wasn't as though I'd known Anakin for only a few days, either. No, far from it. We were dear friends, recently reunited. I choose to look at our marriage as something that happened between dear friends rather than as an acknowledgement that my father lied to me. Strictly speaking he did not lie. He simply told things as he saw them, from his own point of view. And his point of view happened to be that most relationships made permanent too soon were doomed to failure.

I prefer to look at my rapid marriage to Anakin as a sign that we were and are meant for each other, from my point of view. Daddy didn't lie. He just couldn't see things my way.

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
419 words

QM Prompt #49: "They pose as saints, but are full of lies!" - Seven Samurai

I do not want to admit this, but I sometimes despise my fellow Senators.

That sounds like a awful thing to say, but they have made the Senate what it is: fat and greedy on kickback payments and bribes. That is why the Separatists have been able to take such advantage of us. That is why so many across the galaxy long for a more stable form of government, even a dictatorship. That is why my job is so very difficult every day.

I haven't lost faith that democracy is the right course for the galaxy to follow. I remember Queen Jamillia once saying, "The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it." Never has that been more true, and yet I'm afraid that too many others have lost faith. I am but a single voice, crying in the wind.

[locked]

Sometimes I hate my job. That sounds so terrible, given that I have worked for so many years to attain it. But I do. Sometimes I just wish I could settle down with my husband and raise a family, without worrying about politics or assassination attempts. Without greed and corruption. But then I would be letting my people down, and I would feel guilty.

I want to live my life without all of that. And one day, I hope I will.

[/locked]

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
227 words

TM Prompt #216: Impossible

( She sinks back onto her couch, stunned, all the breath momentarily knocked out of her )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
581 words

TM Prompt #214: "To be great is to be misunderstood." - R.W. Emerson

( Padmé was always on the outside )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
511 words

QM Prompt #47: "A man who tells lies ... merely hides the truth. But a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it." - Lawrence of Arabia

( From the very first day she met him, Palpatine had been an enigma to Padmé )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
824 words

QM Prompt #44: "I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow, and the next day, and the next year, and the year after that." - It's A Wonderful Life

Before today, my future was predictable. With the declaration of war, I knew I would be staying almost exclusively on Coruscant. Every morning I'd get up, dress, and head for the Senate. I would spend the day debating various bills, probably pointlessly ever since Chancellor Palpatine established his Senate supermajority. But as Queen Jamillia once said, "The day we stop believing in democracy is the day we lose it." I will always believe in democracy, however fruitless that might seem.

My life would be like this, monotonous, the same events happening in the same order every day, which is not necessarily bad but which can lead to stagnation. But the person that I was before today would not have minded, might even have relished the fact.

Now I'm different. The Padmé Amidala of yesterday no longer exists. And with good reason: she was flat, dull, uncaring about herself and her relationships. She was a lesser being. I feel ... richer, happier, fuller, more embracing of my surroundings. Love is a strange emotion.

I woke up today and the first thing I saw, at the foot of my bed, was my wedding dress. And I remembered that today is my wedding. Today I pledge my life to another. Today, I let go of all my previous inhibitions and I try, for one day, not to worry about the future. I focus only on my feelings for my fiancé.

We've planned out the ceremony precisely. The Nubian holyman is to arrive at sunset. C3PO, the protocol droid Anakin made for his mother, will help me dress. (We were lucky to find it on such short notice, and that the fabric artisans in Theed are so accommodating.) Threepio and R2D2 will be our only witnesses. I find a touch of sadness in the fact that I cannot let my family know of our plans, but that is the way things must be. Anakin and I have discussed what we would like to say to one another in our vows, and I think our words will come from our hearts.

And then we will exchange rings, and pledge our love to one another, and seal that love with a kiss. I will be his forever, and he mine.

I don't know what my future will be like. I don't know what I will do today, or tomorrow, because with Anakin as my husband I'm sure that my life will not be the same monotonous experience. I've found love, and it has made me a richer person.

The future is bright.

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
426 words

TM Prompt #210: If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about any one thing you wished - concerning yourself, your life, the future or anything else - what would you want to know?

( When Padmé thinks of her future, she has only two questions. )

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
511 words

QM Prompt #42: "Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?" - It's A Wonderful Life

Padmé would never have admitted her feelings to anyone at that moment. Not Dormé, not Typho, not Anakin. Especially not Anakin. But from the moment he walked into her apartment, from the moment that her mind registered he was no longer a little boy, she could think of nothing but the possibilities.

Possibilities of which she should not have thought.

I wonder what it's like to feel his lips on mine.

I wonder what his tongue tastes like.

I wonder, what would happen if I simply dashed across the room and took him into my arms?

Padmé found these feelings absurd, and desperately inappropriate. The last time she had seen Anakin, he was a little boy! A nine-year-old boy, whom she thought was cute and needed her care. He had lost his mother, was feeling lonely, and needed a friend. She was concerned about Naboo, worried about her people and their future and how in the galaxy they were going to get out of this terrible box they were trapped in. She had comforted him to distract herself, and because he looked so pitiful, shivering there on the floor.

Am I going crazy? I must be.

Insanity was surely denoted by wanting immediately to kiss someone you hadn't seen in ten years. Surely, if your immediate reaction to having your life saved by that same person was not to thank them, but rather to want to leap into his arms and kiss him again, you were going crazy. Obviously, if every time he spoke to you, you were picturing his lips pressed to yours, you should be committed.

Padmé was glad the next morning when Anakin went with his Master back to the Temple, for the purpose of giving a report about the latest assassination attempt. She needed a distraction. A distraction during which she could talk herself out of these fledgling feelings.

It worked well. She plunged herself into her Senate work, convinced herself that she had no time for romance, reminded herself of her duties towards her people, weighed the pros and cons of a relationship and decided, once and for all, that this had to stop.

But all the distractions in the world did not stop Padmé feeling a rush of pleasure when she learned that Anakin was to accompany her to Naboo.

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
386 words

TM Prompt #209: What are you afraid of?

Any discussion of fear has to start with the thing of which I am not afraid: my own death.

I know Anakin finds that difficult to believe. My death appears to be the thing he fears the most. Well, no, I shouldn't say that. What my husband fears the most is losing the people he loves. His mother, me, possibly even Obi-Wan and Chancellor Palpatine. I suppose "love" is a bit too strong of a word to extend to the last two, but I know that on some very deep level Anakin does feel a kind of affection for them. He cares about them, anyway. Certainly he loved his mother, and certainly he loves me. His is a kind of pure, uncomplicated, untarnished love, and it is a wonderful thing to experience. But Anakin lost his mother, and he lost her so much sooner than he should have. It's therefore understandable that he would assign a desperate fear of loss to me.

But as I've already stated, I don't fear my own death. I'm not sure why. I think it's because long ago I came to the conclusion that death is not the end. It just marks a new beginning. On Naboo we're told the customary stories about a marvelous afterlife, where after death we'll live in a kind of paradise with everything we ever could have wanted. If that paradise exists, I guess I'm looking forward to it, although I'm also sensible enough to know that not all stories you are told as a child actually come true. No matter what happens to me after I pass on, though, I have the sense that I will still be able to see my loved ones and impact their lives. I don't fear death because I know that the release of the physical body is just that: a release of one part of your self. The soul of a being stays intact.

So what do I fear?

Inadequacy.

Whatever I do, I'm afraid that it just. Won't. Be. Enough.

My efforts in the Senate won't be enough to lift the shroud of darkness slipping over the galaxy. My desire to plant the seeds of an eventual counterpart to Palpatine will not prevent him from exacting his own will upon the beings of the Republic. My wish that all be granted the opportunity to live in peace is just that, a wish, and it will never come to fruition.

I hate feeling such negativity, and I try desperately not to sink into it. It only decreases my productivity and what I can do for my people and the Republic. But it's a very valid fear, and it's one of which I cannot seem to rid myself. Maybe once I feel that I've made an actual difference to politics, to the system, to the Senate, I won't worry anymore.

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
476 words

QM Prompt #41: "Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends." - It's A Wonderful Life

I have to admit, I somewhat resent the idea of only the man having friends. Like female beings are supposed to simply stay home and raise children and be available to their man whenever he wishes it. I have my own special friends, as do most women I know, and this does not preclude me from being with Anakin. In fact, my friends often are a great source of comfort to me while my husband is away at war. Perhaps I'm just missing something in the interpretation of the quotation, but I can't help it if that fact jumped out at me first.

Now, to the subject of friends. My friends are ... well, I couldn't live without them. My mother always said, "Marry your best friend," and I am proud to say that I have, in fact, done that. At least that's my feeling. Anakin and I are not only lovers, and husband and wife, but we're also friends. I can talk to him about almost anything, and I hope he feels the same about me. Obi-Wan is similar, in that we are friends who share a lot with one another even if we don't happen to be married. And yes, friendship is all that there is between us. A very deep, trusting friendship.

Then there are my friends in the Senate. Bail Organa and Mon Mothma in particular are the beings to whom I feel closest. Our friendship was begun over common political ground but has grown into something far beyond that. We come to one another about problems in our personal lives, things we're upset or frustrated over, events that depressed us. We watch the HoloNet and laugh over its absurdity. When Bail's wife Breha had a miscarriage Mon and I both commed him to let him know that we were available if he wanted to talk. We've all been through our rough times but in going through them together, have each individually become stronger.

I suppose that's what the fundamental idea that we would be failures without our friends means. Without our friends we would fail at maintaining the careful public personas we've perfected. Without our friends we would fail to keep up our sanity. Without our friends, without their support and understanding and companionship, we would surely fail to live our lives to the fullest. Having friends keeps us from being failures.

Padmé Amidala
Star Wars
397 words